What it means to be broken and just who I think I am.

A lot of you that read these blogs and rantings of mine have questioned me. Asked me where it comes from. You have accused me of hating of everyone and questioned my credibility to comment on my experiences and the world that surrounds me. So let me clear that up for you…

I’ll answer that question of who I think I am. This is who the fuck I think I am…

I come from a place where teenage pregnancy is just as accepted as the abortions used to cover them up. I have seen my friends become fiends, whores, sentenced to death, and decend into multiple stages of social and emotional detioration. I have watched the preachers daughter spin around a pole and a 19 year old girl get a boob job because she needed to feel that validation of attention from people that dont even matter to her. I have stared into the blackenend eyes of a house wife. I have attended funerals of suicide and murder victims, both taken at the hands of the madness this place breeds. Cheers to your urban ghettos…but this is where sickness happens.

I probably shouldn’t explain myself to any of you but I will make a point out of all this.

I have to sit around and listen to your mindless droning on and on about your arbitrary bullshit like boyfriends and girlfriends, who you like, and what friend did you wrong and how you just feel so depressed and put upon…well…fuck you. You are a fucking pussy loser. If I were to ask any question regarding any important current event or members of the government that run this country you would look at me like a retard with a rubiks cube. All you think or talk about is who fucked you or who you fucked last. You are useless, with mindless monkey jobs and have nothing to offer.

I dont hate everyone, but I do find myslef loathing all these pathetic fucking people that watch TV like mindless zombies and rush to the latest trends. Your self esteem is only as large as your credit limit and those of you with no money get drunk enough to sedate yourself from feeling the pain of ineptness. Why dont you spend a little more of that money that could go toward your kids, instead of on that shot that puts you one step closer to a DWI?

I have a million friends that are pushing and trying and despite previous set backs or mistakes are still stepping forward. So to clear this up…I dont hate everyone. I am just sickened.

My God, as I write this I get so angry thinking of all the people I feel befitting to burn to death that I cant even make a list like I usually do. The frustration that I have of you that question me and the fact that you have closed your eyes to the horror that actually surrounds us, looking for your little bitch love story makes me insane. Close your eyes. Think that your fantasy life of fame and fortune and/or the white picket fence family will cleanse you of this filth…but you will only be part of this planets sewer. Your kids will grow up just like you…but you may not be able to close their eyes.

A lot of people told me that they wont read my blogs anymore because they are so mean and negative. Well fuck you. Why dont you tie that blind fold tighter? Take another shot of misery. My goodness, if I were to just post something without names about the dark, sick underside of most of the people I know you guys would never stop reading. Well…you probably would when I told your story.

I guess I should figure out to become more like all of you that question me…blind, deaf, and mute. Eat shit.

So you want to know who I think I am?

I am an observer, a victim, perpetrator, tired, beaten, frustrated, sick, hurt, and broken peer. I am just one of you.

Thats me. If you want to contest this…bring it. I will end you.

All of you fighting the good fight with me…keep it up…Even though we are losing, it feels good to go down swinging.